


How to heal a broken heart

by fantasiafiction



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst and Feels, Drama & Romance, Heartbreaking, Introspection, Light Angst, Lime, Love Confessions, M/M, Protective Siblings, Tragic Romance, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-16 22:40:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11838471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fantasiafiction/pseuds/fantasiafiction
Summary: Magnus’ heart is broken since he discovered that Alec had met Camille and breaks up with him. Since then he thinks a lot about what he had done and he has regrets. Anyway the main problem is that he isn’t ready to share his past with Alec.How would he battle his demons?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic published on Ao3 and one of the firsts I’ve ever written, so don’t be too hard on me :)  
> Also I hope you don’t expect a happy-ending story because this one is sad and angst but worth it!
> 
> English isn't my native language, for this reason I apologize if there are some mistakes.
> 
> At the beginning I follow the events of the Mortal Instruments books (mainly “City of lost souls”) but as you will discover the plot is completely diffrent from them.

_With his former relationships was different_ , Magnus thought: he had already suffered for a broken heart before but he never experienced a sorrow like this. He couldn’t understand what was different. In 400 years he was sure to have fallen in love so passionately at least a couple of time.

What was so special about Alec?

The warlock was feeling a hard pain in his chest because now, all the hope to have a relationship with him was gone. Maybe it was because of his angelic appearance or maybe his amazing capability to take care of the others. All that Magnus knew was that he wasn’t able to think at the moment they left each other or their last kiss or their first.

He could think nothing! In each thought there was his beloved Alexander, it was too hard…

He had been lying on the sofa in his apartment for ages, a drink in his hand. He thought about a solution to stop his suffering.

Get drunk was one of them but he knew he would end up calling Alec and asking him to come back to him, after all he was human as well (well, just for a half). His last little part of pride convinced him it wasn’t a good idea.

Another solution was to heal himself with a spell for broken hearts. He hadn’t decided yet. At the end a part of him thought he deserved to feel so bad.

After all he was the one to break up with Alec. The discovery that his beloved was meeting Camille hurt him but he knew, he was sure, Alec would never betray him in any way possible. He was free to talk with anyone he wanted, on the other hand Magnus should fight for their relationship. Instead all he was able to do was tell him he loved him but leave him anyway. He was so pitiful…

His phone had been ringing all the day, finally he destroyed it with his magic. There was no one he wanted to talk with, neither Catarina who had already comforted him during dark moments in the past.

Anyway he knew who was calling: Isabelle and the entire Lightwood family and Alec’s friend with the aim to convince him to come back to Alec.

However he couldn’t do that.

Why?

Because he was afraid.

When Alec was looking at him, it seemed like he could see that his soul was dark and understand he wasn’t enough for him. Furthermore the Nephilim started to ask about his past, his origins. He couldn’t bear to see in his sweet blue eyes delusion or even scorn for him.

It was easier to live a life alone with regrets, rather than to reveal him who his father was.


	2. Reckless choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus does what he had recommended himself not to do and Alec wants to explain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi beauties <3
> 
> I'm not so happy about how this chapter is written, anyway the interesting part is coming...  
> I wish you like it and tell me what do you think about.
> 
> I like to create suspense and for that I'm sorry because I'm aware you just want to know :)

Finally Magnus was invaded by tiredness, after two days spent without moving from his couch. His lids closed his eyes and he fell asleep cuddling a pillow, once again Alexander absorbed his thoughts and a warm tear dropped on his cheek. 

Suddenly he woke up in the middle of the night, he had dreamt that his father had imprisoned Alec and his friends in a dark and uninhabitable dimension and stolen all their memories. He couldn't bear such a terrible thought.

And if it wasn't only a nightmare? He had already dreamt things that then, happened in reality, but this...

He took a bottle of red wine and he started to drink from the bottle directly, despite all the recommendations he had done to himself. He took his mobile phone that he had saved from his anger simply activating the option 'silent' (sometimes technology was almost better than magic, almost).

He had received many messages and calls. He slid the screen till he read Alec's name, he clicked on it and listened to the vocal message. Hearing the boy's warm voice caused a strange feeling in him: on one hand he felt relieved to discover that Alec was still safe and sound in their dimension, but on the other hand he felt like his heart had just been pierced by an arrow.

All the feelings became more intense and the suffering almost unbearable. Maybe if he had called him he would be calmer, he only wanted to hear 'his' Alexander pronouncing his name one last time. In less than a second his mobile was ringing, the warlock forgot how to breathe.

-Magnus?- It was Alec, Magnus finally felt relieved.

-Hear me, we have to talk.- The Shadowhunter hurried to say, he had recognized the warlock from his breath, it was enough just that.

-You haven't let me the time to explain- he continued, -obviously I don't want to justify my actions, I just don't believe you had understood the situation. I surely didn't want to hurt you meeting Camille. I wanted just...- Alec had talked without interruption since then but suddenly he stopped. For sure he didn't want to start a fight during his, probably only one, possibility to talk with Magnus.

On the other side the warlock couldn't think straight because of the alcohol he had drunk and also because of the desire he felt to hug that guy and forget their problems. He almost didn't remember why he had left him, if only Alec hadn't just reminded it creating a wave of emotions in his heart.

After some seconds of silence Alec talked again: -I'm sorry, ok? If I could come back in time I would. I understand if you aren't ready to tell me about your past, yet.- Silence again.

Finally Magnus talked for the first time since the beginning of their call: -I think we should talk in person about this.-

-I agree.- Was Alec's answer, his voice was trembling because he never believed he would see Magnus again.

-Why don't you come here, in my apartment?- Magnus couldn't believe about what he had just said, his words came out without the possibility for him to control them.

-N...now?-

Magnus looked at his watch, it was 3am but before he could say anything, Alec immediately answered:

-Ok, I'm coming in half an hour.-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is my favourite one because you will see a bold Magnus and a confused Alec interact. Can't wait!!
> 
> -Asia


	3. Malec forever (?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec arrives at Magnus' place but something unexpected happens. The two of them agree only on one thing: they aren't able to stay away from each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehy,
> 
> what about a bit of sexual tension?  
> Ah! I'm so envious for their relationship...  
> But more important Magnus should always act reckless and bold because he is so hot when he behaves like this. Do you agree?

15 minutes had passed since Alec had talked with Magnus on his phone, now he was running along the dark avenues of New York towards Magnus' loft, his heart full of hope. He stopped in front of the door of the building, he arrived earlier than he had expected and was wondering if it was a good idea to stop for a second and think about what he wanted to say. While he was catching his breath, he saw Magnus, wearing only his pajamas, open the door.

-Are you going to come in?- asked with a stern look.  
After a moment of astonishment Alec went in and followed the warlock upstairs. There was something different in him, he had never had such a shabby look: the makeup on his eyes was ruined, his hair hung down on his eyes, his t-shirt was creased and didn't match with his pants! Was it his fault if Magnus looked so tired and miserable?

At a second look Alec had already seen that t-shirt, of course, it belongs to him! Why Magnus was wearing something that had once dramatically defined as the worst horrible cloth he had ever seen?

In spite of all this Alec's heart had lost a beat after he had seen Magnus at the entrance. He was even more beautiful than he remembered.

As soon as they came in the apartment Magnus closed the door with a wake of blue sparks that went out of his left hand, moved careless behind his shaulders.  
The room was in a complete darkness, Alec went towards the light switch without effort, he knew every room by heart. But an arm, wrapped around his waist, obstructed his movements, in just a moment Magnus pushed him against the wall and kissed the Shadowhunter as if he had waited that moment for centuries.

Alec perceived the taste of wine from his lips and on his tongue. He wondered if the warlock hadn't drunk too much because it was unusual for him to act like this in such a situation.

Soon he was overwhelmed by the intensity of the kiss and by the heat that Magnus' body released against him, he lost his control following the movements of the other and abandoning himself to an endless kiss. After a few minutes that they were kissing without breaking their contact, Magnus slipped his hand under Alec's shirt, touching lightly and caring with his fingertips the smooth skin of the boy, he run down towards the end of his back, then in his pants. He pulled Alec nearer and moved his nails over the thin cloth of his underwear. This had caused in the Nephilim shivers along his back and a low and rasping moan. They weren't kissing anymore and Magnus was looking at him with his caramel cat eyes that expressed entirely his lustful desire.

What were they going to do? Alec pushed gently the warlock away before the latter could reach his shirt to undress him.

-This doesn't solve anything.-

Alec was drawing circles in the space between them with his open hand to indicate their situation that wasn't able to describe in words.

-We should...- Tried to go on Alec.

-I don't care what we should or shouldn't do, I want to be with you and you feel the same, come back to me.- These last few words had been followed by a sigh of pain.  
Alec was a little surprised by this statement and the same could see in the expression of the warlock.

-Even before I met Camille our relationship wasn't so good, we never stopped to fight and I don't want...- Alec was interrupted again.

-What do you want Alexander?!- Magnus' voice was almost imperceptibly angry. Alec was speechless, he didn't know how to answer. Obviously he wanted Magnus once again in his arms but that wasn't the right way to solve problems and a warlock of 400 years should know that better than anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: corny revelations and serious talk.


	4. Freely we love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Alec finally talk and try to deal with the difficulties of their relatonship. Luckily their feelings haven't changed and both are willing to find a solution.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi :)  
> I'm back with a new chapter, I made you wait too much? I'm sorry :/  
> I promise I'll make it up to you with a new work that I'll publish very soon...
> 
> Watching the tv show I always thought that Magnus is very vulnerable and for this reason he never wants to push too much his relationship with Alec, he never says ‘I love you’ first, almost never starts a kiss... In this chapter I tryed to give my version of a very vulnerable warlock that tries to open up to the love of his life.

-I beg you, don't leave me again.- the warlock’s voice sounded even softer and more imploring than one could ever think.

-Magnus, you left me!- Alec was confused and a bit exasperated. He had suffered a lot lately for their break up and now he was discovering that everything could be avoided?! He thought that relationships take effort but it surely was an understatement.

-I know. I did a mistake, could you give me another chance?- Magnus replied.

-I can’t if you intend to go on hiding your past. In these days, far from you, I realized that I didn’t know you so well. I know that you hate remembering some moments of your life but you can’t mention names of your old friends or boyfriends without explanation!- Alec inhaled deeply trying to calm down. –And this isn’t the only things that you are holding back from me! You avoid to talk about things that could worry me or hurt me. A relationship is based on sincerity and you have to stop to protect me!-

Maybe Alec had never been in a relationship before Magnus but he had learned something seeing his parents’ marriage going into pieces.

Magnus covered his face with his hands: -I don’t think we should talk about this at this time of the night.-  
He didn’t understand why he was so vulnerable in front of Alec and felt like a little boy that had just done something wrong.

-It’s morning already- said Alec, even more exasperated.  
It was barely 6am, sunrise lighted up the apartment. Just now Alec realized that it was shabby as much as the look of his owner. Boxes of takeaway were piled on the table of the living room, at the foot of the couch laid a wrapped blanket, some empty bottles were gathered in a corner of the room and the phone seemed to have been burnt by a blowtorch. Magnus followed the boy’s eyes:

-I didn’t know that I would have guests tonight otherwise I would clean up the loft, also my look must be horrible.-

-You’re beautiful-

Magnus sighed in relief, so Alec still felt something for him, even thought he seemed so cold and detached.

-If I opened my heart to you completely I’m afraid you wouldn’t look at me like before.- told the warlock, bringing back the conversation to their main problem. His face expressed all his worries. –I love you but I am a warlock anyway, demonic blood flows in my veins. Nothing could change my nature.-

-You’re wrong. Every day you prove to be more altruistic and generous than the majority of the Shadowhunters that I know, for this reason I love you.-

At those words Magnus understood that he couldn’t have the relationship he desired with Alec without effort. It wasn’t like get whatever he wanted with magic, this gave him the strength he needed to start to open up:

-I...- He had never been more aware of what he was going through: he couldn’t come back and that scared him more than the nightmare of that night. He wasn’t sure he could live without that boy.

Suddenly Alec’s phone rang and the Shadowhunter, after letting an imprecation slid, answered the phone. It seemed something important and urgent from his expression.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is a quotation used also in The Mortal Instruments. I really like these lines:
> 
> "Freely we serve  
> Because we freely love, as in our will  
> To love or not; in this we stand or fall."
> 
> -John Milton, Paradise Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. <3  
> I know the chapter is short but I'll publish very soon the next one.
> 
> If you have something to ask or share with me about this chapter please do, it would really help me.
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr: @fantasiafiction
> 
> -Asia


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